.:::Kalley's online diary:::.

Lies...honesty...?

2009-10-08T17:21:00.002+01:00

Had been listening to this song..
I feel like in pieces.. whenever I do..

"Feels Like Tonight" -Chris Daughtry

You, you got me
Thinking it'll be alright.
You, you told me,
"Come and take a look inside."
You believed me,
In every single lie.

But I, I failed you this time.

2009-09-10T08:53:00.001+01:00

Air Asia was like a roller coaster.
It's the only flight that made me feel so unwell..and scared. lol.

Strongly advice people not to go on Air Asia..
It's not fun at all..having roller coater in air..

PS: back to cambridge already. :)

2009-08-24T00:45:00.003+01:00

Had a 4D3N in Taipei..
Yes don't tell me it has flood.. because that's Tainan.. lol..

had lotsa fun.. wish I could stay longer..
I swear the night markets sell really cheap..
:( I WANNA GO AGAIN LOL

SMTP -> yamcha

2009-07-11T21:14:00.003+01:00

went smtp today.
met lots of friends.
didn't pay much attention to the competition..
other than 3 specific performances.
one of them, sings quite good (at least the best throughout the night)
even though I couldn't understand what she was singing

two other, it made the crowd went wild.
it's the same person participating 'grp' and 'individual'

i was walking princess around the hall during this first performance.
the crowd cheered. so loudly.
i thought the girl must be popular or something
can't sense why else the crowd would cheer (ahah)

when i went back to my seat
the girl reached a very high pitch note and is totally in her own world enjoying the stage
and then.
the background decorations on stage fell down
girl kept singing, she didn't realise smth fell down behind her
the crowd cheered.

i quickly turned around to ask ivy
for the reason the crowd cheered earlier
she said it's because of that too, falling pieces from the background when she reached a very high note..(an annoyance really princess felt scared)
i was like, wow.

it was one big chunk of decorations.
and the girl totally enjoyed herself.
i think she must've thought she sang really well,
since the crowd cheered so loudly.

when the performance ended.
crowd cheered again.
emcee spoke into the mic 'please remain calm'

ahahahaha.

during d girl's grp performance.
it was worse
2 girls in one shot
both of them... didn't care about us anyway
the decorations are all gone by now so they can't do anything to the stage anymore
but princess seemed really uncomfortable with their singing
i covered her ears.
usually when i do that, she'd try to move away
but she didn't that time.
i was surprised she stood still.
i just can't stop laughing.

it's great meeting all those boys
and meeting back some other boys
my childhood friends
forgot to ask one or two boys' numbers
was too busy going around chatting and got called by someone and chat again
then finally going yam-cha

went JR to yam-cha
but by the time boys arrived it's nearly 1am
they called to ask how long i could stay before they came
i think they were thinking of ffk me already aha
but i said, maybe about 20 mins
and they just replied 'we'd try to reach asap'

when they all came JR has already sold out their foods
left only with soft drinks
boys didnt wanna drink soft drinks hav been drinking them for d day
the waiter just tell us, 'try coffee suite opp'
and i think he sounded abit too calm
i almost choked hearing that
he sounded so calm so calm so calm i felt i was really impolite to laugh that long but i really couldn't help it aha

anyway we went to coffee suite
thanks ah gan for the honey lemon :)
talked to them awhile.
bryan fell asleep.
felt abit paiseh , asked him to go home but he said he'd stay

i left at 2am the boys were still there except bryan
obviously cause he was super tired
but at 2.40am i received bryan's sms
'sorry ah beng'
lol.

awww.
i was already touched they didn't ffk me
still teman me play the whole day from 7 something till 2am
everyone had work to do at the event
so must be 5 times more tired than me
but they still make me feel accompanied

treat me drinks as usual ..
didnt even have to buy the ticket to the event..
blah blah blah.

only yesterday i sorta had some not-so-peaceful moments with a friend
though i dunno why he suddenly got so angry
and apparently i got on his nerves he said
but then i guess
some things never change.
the fact that i always say real friends only come from primary school days doesn't change.
only they will treat you heart 2 heart
even though im the only girl (or the only 2 girls including wifey) in the group
true friends give up their own stuffs for you when you need em
others, give up your needs and shoo you away for causing too much inconveniences
but ya thanks friends

you guys made my day today :)

and also made myself see myself clearer
esp my own needs. my own desires. and the reality.
i've made a few bad choices in life but hey i'm still strong
this time i'm tougher than b4...

feel burden-free now that i see things more clearly. :P

niteeeee

2009-07-09T09:47:00.003+01:00

I've decided.

I've kissed my yesterday goodbyes.

Screw it, I'm strong and I'm proud. :)

2009-07-09T05:23:00.001+01:00

Status: Out for Delivery
Delivery Date:
Signature:
Tracking Progress:
Date Time Location Activity
09 Jul 09 9:55 am KUANTAN (KUA) Out for Delivery
08 Jul 09 9:49 am KUANTAN (KUA) Out for Delivery
07 Jul 09 10:09 am KUANTAN (KUA) Out for Delivery
07 Jul 09 8:41 am KUANTAN (KUA) Arrived KUA
06 Jul 09 7:53 pm CHERAS (CRS) Linehaul to HUB
06 Jul 09 7:17 pm CHERAS (CRS) Scheduled for Departure
06 Jul 09 7:06 pm CHERAS (CRS) Collection

Damn.. How can the parcel be out for delivery for 3 days and not reach me yet? Kuantan is SMALL, I mean SMALL..

I hope he is not lost.
I hope my postman will find his way.

2009-07-07T08:09:00.002+01:00

Either one hour away -

Either three hours away.

If even you yourself can't believe..
How am I going to?

Don't want to go back where I started.
I like the steadiness.
So why not stay.
I'll show you how.

Promise.

Lucky

2009-07-01T16:37:00.002+01:00

Was supposed to dedicate a song to a person
Wanted to let the person listen to it
but due to certain reasons I think it's inappropriate to dedicate it now
so I'll just post it here.. :)

Actually who can be sure of what's gonna happen next in life?
Neither can I.

From now till 7th of july, I'm going to listen to my own heart.
and then, I'll let the heart decides.

The only thing left for me to do,
is to believe and have faith in what I've felt for the past months..

The song's name is Lucky..

2009-06-21T08:50:00.002+01:00

Yesterday was kind of messed up. Hehe.
It started when I was in the living room at about 2pm
Mom came home, asked me if I'd like to have fried rice for lunch
I replied 'anything', and continue sitting in front of computer in dining hall
Minutes later I hear my sister and my mom yelling and shouting in the kitchen
Didn't run there to see or even ask them what's happening
because it happens abit too often that they just cook slightly hangus stuff
and sometimes if i run there my mom will just say 'get out of the way'

About 1 minute later my sister yelled, COME HERE, I yelled back, WHY
FIREEEE. and I said ,'oh.'
So i ran there, told my sister to grab a towel and wet it blah blah blah.
Anyway it's gone in a few seconds then.
Just that the kitchen is uber smokey and I felt abit pening after that aha.
The fun part was : We 3 was standing at the kitchen door, and facing the greyish kitchen
and my mom just say, 'let's go out and eat'
my sis replied 'yah, I think that's a good idea.'
I laughed to death.

I went back my room to grab towel and go to bathe lol, totally smell like hangus man
and when I was bathing, I swear the turtle is a pervert!!!!
keep on staring at me and not only that it keep on trying to climb out of the tub. -_-
I think he needs a female . swt.

Checked online that popular offer is only till today
and today is FATHER'S DAY
thought I won't be able to go today so
I went yesterday..
and before I went out I grabbed my camera, even though I ain't meeting anyone at all..but it felt right to bring it along then

Saw a friend at popular, she was looking at me, then she turned her face away.
Just when I was thinking if I should call her
She looked again. Turned her face away again.
Errr, maybe I shouldn't...so I turned around.. lol..

Watsons on sale too, but my sister and I were extremely poor
we couldn't buy many things we wanted to :(

Mom came to fetch us.
Red light. Car suddenly died. Try to restart the car. Still dead.
Try harder. No response.
Green light. The car is still dead.
Me : wow. this is actually happening.
I swear my sister and mom tried to find the double signal for half an hour
In the end my sister and I got threatened by my mom and we ended up waving to the cars behind us and become real 'double' signal..
We were actually having fun. Because it's so embarassing. AHA.
My mom was scolding my sister for smiling .
My sister complained, that the drivers are the one smiling at her.
AHAHAA it's so funny.

I've been trying hard to shoot an image of myself but yah I thought my mom would kill me for having so much fun...
when the time turns 10pm, I start to try to not face the drivers
and try hard to avoid waving anymore aha
Tuition should end at ten in Kuantan.
It's a bad idea to be in the middle of the road waving.
Because there's always a very very very very high chance of getting spotted by friends.
I told my sister it's ok for her, because she has been back in Malaysia for a long time
I haven't even have the chance to meet up with my friends yet
so yah, I'd love to keep it low.

and when one car passed by , 1 of the passengers just yell
CHUANYA, NEED HELP?
I felt like laughing.
I can tell she feel embarassed , but she still replied CAR DIED. COME HELP MOVE THE CAR.
and then the car drove away cause it's still green light.
I thought they left though, until when I see the 4 guys walking from the opposite road
and they actually helped to move the car.
and then I was like, I'm sorry for saying you are tomboyish, now I think it's good that you are tomboyish, you've got so many brothers in Kuantan, I love you.
and my sister just yell at me : SHIT.
I laughed.

They were really fast though
Me and my sister-in-law had to RUN to follow
and my sister-in-law was like come, quickly, take the picture
and I said I left it in the car!
she just pass me her phone while running
I said I dont know how to use

We looked at the car and the 4 boys at a very far distance away
and also my sister who was running on her own in front of us
Seconds later we realised they were too fast to catch up and we started walking slowly
then suddenly my sister in law turned around
and was pointing at a car and shouted FETCH ME AR, OI, FETCH ME(shes cool)
(nah it's my brother lol, well I can't recognise the new car yet so)
anyway we popped in the car, and my sister at the front then only realised she can't catch up with them and saw us betraying her and ran to us lol.

Anyway later on sister in law was murmuring about how bad my sister was because she was taking pictures and stuff, in the mean time taking out her own phone to take pics...-.-''

I was simply amazed by them
they quickly ran back to pick their own car again cause it was a friend's birthday
and asked my sis to join, my sis ran off with them...
I texted my sis so that I said thanks and said I'll treat them drinks next time :)
They're so cool. ><

I think I shouldn't stick with my mom too much these few days
Alot of things would happen with her lolx

when I reached home i went to bathe straight away
and damn hate the turtle -.- always stare at naked body

2009-06-18T13:46:00.003+01:00

Yeast infection.
One tooth missing.
Slight tooth inflammation.
Slight deform on one side of hip.
No appetitie.
Fears the cage.

I'm so worried that I totally cried just now..
I don't know why when my words that initiate from loving her, can be treated by their stubbornness and ignorance so easily..

I feel such pain in the heart... I only came back for less than a week and I've already noticed she's really acting abnormally and really unhappy..
but I can't and shan't blame my family for not being sensitive enough and not being caring enough..
cause ultimately, I'm the one to be blamed : I chose my scholarship over her.
I'm a really bad owner..
every ignorance shown by my own family, only reflects how irresponsible I was and how self-centered I am..
She's the first dog I wanted to own
and the only companion I had that gave me warmth and happiness when I was alone in Singapore and facing the all the problems that upset me the most in my life..
and I wasn't able to give her love and care when she needed it
and now worse, I wasn't able to protect her...

I really don't know what's gonna happen the next time I see her..
What's gonna happen after this September....

SPEECHLESS

2009-05-14T14:59:00.002+01:00

Head got bitten off, and got shoot by arrow showers..

Entering the critically low + RED region of my battery level, where the siren goes on ....................

Feel like yelling out to someone, or something even.
Feel like bursting everything , every details of it --
...where everyone doesn't understand, you should.
when everyone doesn't know I'm breaking down, you should.
when anyone else can't see the significance/importance of my beliefs, you're the last person that is allowed to join them.

7 days to Physics A level exams..
8 days to Mechanics A level exam..
....& much more coming..

Come on, what's wrong with all these people?! Why can't I see some bright smiling faces, why can't I hear some laughter ... It's not the exams making me stress, it's the stress from exams FROM the other people close to me that's making me feel incredibly stress... Suffocating........

PS: I've been delaying my bedtime.. and I'm scared. My health seems to be having some side effects now.. especially during this examination period.. and yes.. Swine Flu.. my immune system really can't fall at this critical time... shoooootttttt!!

ARGH. Everything seems so annoying all of a sudden....

Sorry. I know. EMO post. I'll change(hopefully).

Updating ..

2009-04-29T17:13:00.002+01:00

For the past month I've been on Easter holidays, our term break; went to Newcastle, Amsterdam, Edinburgh and back to campus, busy coping with my studies, and yes - I was sorta-ish busy in a relationship.

And no, ..I ain't gonna talk anything about that long ago. Cause I assure you it'd be over 10k words if I did.

Just for this week. Yes, this week. (yeah, you sense the emo-ness coming..)

I've been feeling extremely stress, tired, often wanting to just give up but you-know-me-i-just-don't-do-that.

Being an Aced star here in Bellerbys isn't easy, and being a person people expect highly from, is even harder.

Tomorrow is the day I'll have my Mechanics 1 Mock Exam, my Chemistry Unit 1 test, my Physics ISA Practical Exam. The worst part of all these are, my physics teacher sucks so badly I feel like giving up the subject already. But this thought already makes me feel uneasy and yes, this thought disgust me. No matter how much effort I try to put in Physics - the outcome doesn't show, I can, of course, still score with flying colours, but only if I spend extra hours on it , perhaps twice the load I am having with other subjects. Which is just - unfair.

Physics is the least important subject to my university application. Yet I love all of them so much I really want to just treat them all equally - if.. my teacher behaves a little more.. like a teacher.

It's only 23 days till the real examination. He still hasn't covered the Unit One.. Other subjects have already covered Unit Two and we've already started our revision. It's near MAY and we only had one TEST. YES ONE DAMN TEST ONLY.

And I think he stores our homework at home. It never ever comes back.

He's late for class for HALF AN HOUR and still give us HALF AN HOUR BREAK and END HALF AN HOUR EARLY. WHAT THE..

Unfortunately Physics is my earliest exam, I really don't want to screw it.. and tomorrow's practical.. we only had one pathetic practise back in early March. I just feel, extremely extremely unfair.

Yesterday me, Tasha, Richard went to see the Head of Maths. He said we, together with Yuri from the September AS group are chosen as applicants for Richard Ryde Scholarship. This scholarship helps you to pay all the fees in your A2 year.. I think that's about 50 thousand pounds. Sounds great so far?

Here are the parts I don't like :
- prepare a mini CV by the end of the week (GOSH you are telling me this on a Tuesday (I end at 6pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays) when I have so many exams/tests/stress on a Thursday?)
- I'd need to face an interview by the end of next week by the principal, centre head, and 2 head of departments...
- IF I am that lucky to be chosen to represent Bellerbys Cambridge, I need to then travel to Brighton in May to have my final interview against Oxford, London and Brighton applicants.

See my point?

And then there's.. this new relationship. Not exactly new but.. yeah.

People (ie friends) have been telling me how I've changed after being together with him. Changed as in, they think I'm prettier, happier, .....anything and everything positive, really. But the truth is : I'm so doubtful of that comment..

I must admit, the heart soaks itself with guilt now and again, facing the positive comments and also facing him, who really truly sayang me..

Yes, I'm happy when I'm with him, when he tells me he cares, when he offers to pay for me even though he is (TOO) thrifty, when he changes his bedtime, ...

But.. I also could not deny the fact that, when I'm not with him physically, I'm just NOT with him. That's how all the insecurity arises - I don't feel him that much, I start to doubt if he was true, everything seems unreal, fake, .. and it's not always happy thoughts that pop out in my mind about him. Often, it was the past that haunts me, ...

I really need more time, and more proofs from him and from us..
I don't know if he'd understand..

Sorry for my long emo post - had to throw it at someone some how. Felt so much better now =x

Kalley

What a quick revival.

2009-03-17T11:56:00.003Z

There you go Hannah. Motivation implanted. x)

Recently, I have JOLIN's ALBUM and JOLIN's 72 CHANGES CLOTHES topping my wishlist.
Recently, I'm hooked on drinking lemon juice.
Recently, I've been sleeping half an hour later than I used to.
Recently, I've stopped nagging about not having a boyfriend.
Recently, I'm getting less attached to the boys.
Recently, I miss Princess waking me up first thing in the morning.
Recently, I have a big wide smile on my face whenever I think of him.
Recently, I hate my Physics teacher a lot.
Recently, I've got a C for my maths but I earned myself a 100% in the next test just to prove myself 'I ain't no idiot lol'

Recently, I look up the sky a lot.
Recently, I've been thinking about the future a lot.
Recently, I've made several choices and decisions.
Recently, I've realised there're many things outside that I desire for.

Recently, I see education as ever more important.
Recently, I've learnt efforts really do count for non-geniuses aka me.
Recently, I've shocked myself by how time flies and how old I was.

Recently, I know myself a lot better.

So I guess, recently, I'm happier.

KALLEY =3

LOL this blog is like, dead.

2009-03-15T19:53:00.002Z

I know I haven't posted since February lolx.
Cause I guess my motivation (the tagboard) died as well O_O''

Yep.

19th Feb

2009-02-22T11:14:00.010Z

Went out again to city LOL.. (don't even need to study -.-)

That's Leon and me .. :) Not me sunglasses though HEHE :D

Played the whole day yesterday..
Was in sucha great mood I was surprised myself even :)
But yep. Sooooo it's last day of half-term..
and studying like crazy today..
Not gonna step out of my bedroom LOL.. prevent distractions @@

Kalley

Christine's 19th Birthday!!

2009-02-14T07:36:00.006Z

13th of February is not just my mom's birthday, Leon's mom's birthday, it's also our good old friend - Christine's 19th birthday.

Went to Lion Yard to buy her this cookie.. :) And all of us crowded in our little classroom 19 and played around.. xD
I swear it was so funny.. xD

That's Christine! Our Birthday girl!! :)

Shaun and Leon 'liking' Christine xD

HA! This one is like my favourite... they keep on wanting to block me I swear.. -.-;;

ANYWAY.. Happy Birthday Christine!
Happy Birthday Mama..!! :)
Mom called to let me know she received my birthday card.. x)

I always thought it's a blissful thing to be able to celebrate birthday with everyone, you know. Cause I don't have the chance to do that..
So whenever someone's birthday arrives, I always want to try my best to make it a really perfect day..

Cheers!!

KALLEY

My Result.

2009-02-07T22:32:00.006Z

OK finally. My Chemistry was out last Thursday ..
I've been saying this to everyone who asked about my result : "I'll let you know all my results once my Chemistry is out..."

And so, as promised...

Chemistry is informed to me personally by the Head of IGCSE Department.. I've passed with a grade A.

Phew.

I guess I'm slightly disappointed by me results..
But yeah, they say it's good.. and that I put too much stress on myself.
Maybe they're right.
Maybe this is good enough.

*smiles*

I'm actually most glad by my Physics result. I'd never expect that in my whole damn life. Imagine how Mr. Lee will react when he finds out.. - -;;

Oh and Princess is with Mom already..
I miss her so badly I can cry any moment. :(
I'm really glad I brought DOO DOO along with me..
The plush Princess really loved and she even bitten it before -.-;;

I used to hug both of them to sleep.

Princess and Doo Doo..

I wish they'll be together again.. x)
Missing you, girl.. Hope you'll have a great lovely time with Mommy..
Be good to mommy, will you?

KALLEY

When Cambridge snows.. it means NO SCHOOL!

2009-02-02T19:35:00.008Z

It snowed today. A heavy one.
It's the first time in my life I ever really enjoyed a snow..
(Well the first snow in my life was on the first day of school and yah)

We had this snow fight.

and I ended up in kena combo attacked.
I so hate them, I swear. -.-''

And sticked snowballs on the wall.

Laid on the floor...

And yes we SO made a snowman!

BUT...for some reasons I can't upload anymore pictures - -
so if you're interested in Cambridge snow XD pls go to www.wretch.cc/album/kalleyluv

KALLEY

where are we, really?

2009-01-14T08:27:00.003Z

Sometimes in a day, randomly I popped myself a question;
Where are we, of all these years of "walking"?
Are we all sharing the same street, or have some crossed the bridge(s), made an U-turn or are we all on a different road.. and some, without a lamp to show their ways.

Where are we, of all these years of knowing each other?
Are we sometimes, lost, happy, overwhelmed, or pathetic?

I always convince myself that Life Is A Party.
although, the sentence continues with..
Life Is A Party... but study comes first.

It's 8.30am in the morning.
I'm waiting for my ass to get kicked out for the cleaners to come in.
The hostel smells as friendly as ever.
And also smells loneliness in the time to come.

I think everyone has received their results.
Except me.
There's only 7 days left. 1 week left. A quarter of the month.

I suddenly recalled how I used to be among the Sec 3s looking at the crying faces of Sec 4s.
Again, either joyful or sad or pathetic or simply can't-be-bothered.
I used to think the same time this year, I'm gonna be among those silly crying faces.
But HA! Here I am, in this cold and dry England.

So I guess we're all walking through different roads.
Maybe at a T-junction, we met and we didn't bear to farewell.
So we stayed. Or I stayed, for 2 years.

Then maybe I just went emo and suddenly borrowed my mom's car and bang walls around.
I was sent to England.
Or, my heart sent me to England.

I miss you all.
Although I don't tend to visit ...and I'm very guilty for that.
But I will. Maybe this summer. Maybe the next.
I don't know. Cause everyone will not be at the T-junction anymore..

Can you actually believe that this time next year I'd be waiting for offer letters or REJECTIONS from universities?

Hey, don't you think universities feel abit too much for us?
I mean I do. It used to seem so unreachable. It still does.
I don't want to grow up x10000000.
I want to play.

But yeah.

Anyway, good luck for my result next week.
I really hope everything is well.
If I get a B I would get really upset...
And my scholarship is far more than gone.

Pray for me, will you, 4H bastards.

Kalley

So school started.

2009-01-09T17:12:00.004Z

School started.
And I've moved to the Manor Tower. (the hostel)

After saying many goodbyes in my heart to my hatred home stay for giving me and Candy expired food, I'm loving life in the tower. I mean, people must always be appreciative, no?

My A level class consists of 12 students.
And many smart dudes and geniuses.

I suddenly felt small.

Hah. No.
Cause I can't be bothered to care so much. I have too many things else to worry about. For eg settling down.

That's Apple & Me. On the second day of induction at Queens Campus, although that picture wouldn't show anything like that.

Babies : that's my room. :) Am I too 'over'? Cause alot of people says so. But NYEHHH! I don't care xD

and that is 12 days till the result day. C'mon can I know my result sooner? I mean, if it's good..

Kalley

OH, aren't we old? :P

2009-01-01T01:49:00.004Z

(madelynn's half head - mom - me)31/12/08

This morning I started off by reading a few updates on my fellow friends' blogs. Almost all, updated yesterday, as the last day of 2008. Maybe I didn't prioritise my blog too much, but I actually didn't have the thought of blogging yesterday. I was too busy getting pissed by the Taipei concert for not inviting more artists.. A single singer was singing ~8 songs, could you believe it - -. Most important of all, Jolin wasnt there. Maybe I missed her or something. But heck, she wasn't there.

OK back to topic. So, it's year 2009. I remember I asked ChengMun just yesterday, 'anything you can't let go of?'
She answered and said , 'I can't let go of my holidays; I can't let go of the fact that the results are coming; I can't let go of my youngness'

When the same question applied to me, I said 'nothing. am actually looking forward to a brand new year' YeeHa. Yeah :)

For me, 'year' is only a symbolising name. Every year you come across a new year, and instead of crying for calculating the time lost, I usually champagned it deep inside my heart. For me, it's a (symbolising) chance to change, for the better.

A brand new year, a brand new me. Let's start things from zero again. That's how I tell myself every year. So I learn , like a beginner. And lucky for me, I seemed to have always learnt the positive ones, again and again. And then when the year is ending, I went older by one year, and we all grew up :)

For me it's a cycle. and thanks to 2008, this year I'm definitely braver and more optimistic. Learning life as a never ending lesson, I realised certain things aren't worth wasting time crying for.
In year 2008, most importantly, I stopped regretting (that much). Friends thought I was happier than ever before. Parents were pleased. Siblings were amazed. I, was just enjoying life.

So hey 2009, hopefully this year will be even better. And right now, I gotta turn on my TV and listen to new year forecast HAHAHAHAHA. (oops ok) It's family tradition. I think.

Kalley

Merry belated X'mas :)

2008-12-26T09:32:00.002Z

OK so I know I haven't blogged for awhile.. (stares coldly at ChengMun)
But here I am :) C'mon I *do* blog.. just.. yeah.

SO! It was christmas yesterday!! How's everyone's Xmas?
For me, it's plain and normal, like usual. My family doesn't celebrate Xmas so.

SOx2! It's ChengMun's sweet sixteen today! I promised her I'll blog and say I MISS U CHENG MUN...... and so I did XD Happy Birthday dearie, may all your wishes come trueeee.. and find a nice handsome boyfriend some day.

..
It's a week until I'm off to Cambridge, alone.
Feelings? Complicated.
Sorry, correction : very complicated.

If it was possible, I really would want to stay for another week. or more.
But you know when I'm saying this it meant ..

Mom is busy with work.. So she can't fly with me..
It's actually not much of a biggie.. I mean.. It isn't the first time I'm flying from home, alonee.. But I guess the feeling doesn't fade away with practise.

My house will be crushed down into pieces in (maybe)January.
So this is my last time actually living in my home of 12 years.
The next time I see it, it may be different already..

I have been quite pissed by not able to capture a few photos of my house.
My camera has spoilt. Don't ask me why, I just can't switch it on..
Ever since my memory card is gone, I have never been able to switch it on..
Not even after I purchased a new memory card..

What? Handphone?

Spoilt.

I can't be more pissed than I am now.
Holidays ending.
Camera spoilt.
Handphone spoilt.

Oh yes, I haven't meet Princess as well..
I miss her. I truly truly miss her.

It's 3 days to my Birthday.
And my only wishlist so far is to be able to see her. hug her. pet her.

I MISS HER ):

Kalley

For being a girl is no sin.

2008-12-05T05:24:00.002Z

At times I felt like kicking a man from the back - although a weirdo like me will go 'OMG ARE U OKAY - DID IT HURT OMG' , simply because I may be more girlish than I thought (or everyone thought) I am.

Tell me how the image of a girl like Kalley comes into your mind.

Smart?
Strong?
Independant?
MATURE?
Serious?
Loud?
Funny?

Or simply what I would want to listen ---- A plain good female friend.

Some people doesn't like the way I am. Some people utterly thinks that I'm way too serious, maybe boyish. But I don't like you either. I don't like your happy-go-lucky attitude. I don't like you putting yourself high up thinking you're so PERFECT. Even if you didn't think that way, you shan't make everyone else feels IMPERFECT. I don't like you always telling me what I should do and shouldn't do. I don't like you tricking me into something and pushing me out totally. I don't like you .

But hey I lied.

I like you. I like you forcing myself to constantly wanting to change for a better me. I like you making my life more relaxed and crowded. I like you and I like you as a friend.

And now life is always greedy.

but not definite.

Sometimes I just want to tell you.. I wanna be me.

The headache killer.. no.. plus mosquitos..

2008-11-28T16:04:00.002Z

One thing good and not-so-good about Malaysia is that it is always full of mosquitos surprises. Sometimes I think it over-filled that one litre full of water bottle. No kidding..

And so Dad came back from India.
And so sis-in-law went back to her place.
And so Kor went back to Newcastle.
And so Er Jie went back to KL.
And so Da Jie is coming back here from Newcastle - in a week's time.

And so...people come and go.
Come and go come and go come and go.

Went to KL yesterday. Came back today.
9 hours of ride. And visa application not submitted.

Why? I don't have unconditional offer letter.
Called up JM education and asked - 'NO! Bellerbys College don't offer that kinda thing. The initial offer letter should be good enough!'

And blah blah blah blah blah.
I'm gonna go KL again tomorrow or the day after..
Headache. Headache..

Visa fees reduced. Yay.
Visa duration increased. What in the world????
Headache. Headache...

Tomorrow blood test.
Sigh......Nightmare.
Headache. Headache....

So 2 weeks passed. And I listened to Tendai's advice (my Chem teacher)
Relax. Relax. Relax throughout my holidays.
I'm chilling out. relaxing. totally...RELAXED.
For that 2 whole weeks.

But I have cravings to START something.
Whatever thing.
I even had the urge to go up to my mom and say 'MOM, BUY ME A PART-TIME LOVERRRR' and get my ass totally closed in my closet, locked. Not to mention it is zero guarantee against rainwater..

Of course. The thought only stayed for 1 minute. No, 1 day. No, maybe more than that. But who cares? Everyone knows I'm just slightly bored.

I know, I know. My life still sounds boring to all of you. But it's not quite that, actually. I touch my piano, guitar, vocal everyday. I brush them up and polish them nicely. I practise my drawings (and mom loved that lady in the drawing <3) and I think real hard about the tiny details of room design. I even get to go to sis in law's place to visit Madelynn everyday. How cool can things go? I mean, it's way better than UK's.

So ignore all my complains and nags. Of course I was just joking about them.

Afterall, home's the best.

When all I really needed ..

2008-11-19T14:43:00.003Z

Heavy rain came pouring down as if one thin layer of sea was floating above our heads

Flooding us all.

Well, maybe not. Maybe it's just my neighbours.

Or kuantan-ians who have their home built on low lands.

Every year, this time, it rains.

Every time, this year, it floods.

But every luck seems to surround the Chong family - escaped from this spell.

It's the monsoon season, my dear fellow friends.

Why do I care? Not only do I care, I'm even depressed.

Moaning at my monitor screen more than once can be the mere reason to be frustrated.

And when my additional making-my-mood-worse-off radio goes totally off, I had the feeling to actually test if my Astro On Demands still work.

But on second thought, I know it wouldn't, so I didn't want mom to go screaming at me again in case I kind of smashed it.

Of course, just kidding.

So exams ended.

I'm quite optimistic towards all subjects than Chemistry.

Despite giving up revising for Mathematics and Physics for Chemistry..

It just wasn't enough.

and I felt like dying so badly when I walked out that exam hall..

Until later that night Anthony consoled me and really made my day (better).

So now I'm not thinking about it no more.

I'm not gonna worry about anything until I received that piece of result slip.

I'm just gonna focus on enjoying my holidays while I still can.

1) Do my career research. (Man I'm really having a hard time for this..)

2) Taking care of Madelynn (my niece, a charming angel)

3) Working for my Mom if she needs help..

4) Going to Singapore, twice, for medical checkupS..

5) Fetching Princess back to Kuantan

6) Digest a few books.

7) Get a hair cut (don't ask me why ....)

8) Fix my watch(es).

9) Stick to my piano & guitar... ( I really feel like I'm rusting!)

10) Learn something NEW.. ( OK It's just an aim don't get too serious)

11) Bring my fellow pets to the vet for check up.. (It's not that I don't trust my mom, but she's

just too busy to keep them really healthy)

12) Help to move things to our new temporary house.

13) Make a design for my future bedroom..

14) Do some drawings/sketches.

15) Digest some dramas! (The gems of life kinda caught my attention lately.. )

16) I WILL MEET U GUYS :D

and sorry I can't attend the chalet.. cause I'm leaving on 2nd January 2009..

But we can always meetup! Nyeehhhh :)

KALLEY

my courage for my dreams.

2008-10-22T21:50:00.002+01:00

It's the first week of the CIE examinations for us IGCSE , GCSE and O Level dudes. Lala. Apparently I'm not stressed. Nope, not at all. I've been painfully stressed on where will I head after my current course. It has been haunting me and giving me a few deadly nightmares. And I'm sick of them. Very.

Anyway I'll update on you people about it later this week when I'm done with my Biology practical tomorrow morning. (Aha)

Anybody interested in my social life lately? Life's almost perfect.

A girlfriend of mine advised me to talk to my 'ex' and other girlfriends supported her idea and everyone encouraged me to do it too. And so I did. I know your heads are popping alot of 'whyyy?' , patience, babe.

It seems like the past kept on repeating itself in my brain. And maybe his. It's hard, probably for both of us : we haven't talk since the school term started, and we're still as awkward as ever. and the worst part : we share the same hanging-out gang.

I want us to be friends.

Those of you who have proudly earned yourself a space in my list of BFF's (best friends and family) , you *should* know how straightforward I am. Of the fact I can't find any reason to not make friends with him anymore.... is weird. Just because we were once very couplish , and then went through a drastic breakup ; does that means we can't talk, we can't be normal friends anymore? BFFs, you must know by now , Kalley always make friends. Even those other thinks is impossible - for I'm special :P

So I wanted the awkwardness to die down.

For our friendship's sakes.

And I'm glad I did.

Ever wonder

2008-10-15T20:56:00.004+01:00

Ever wonder how it feels walking on the bed of leaves on the floor -
Ever wonder how it feels like when looking up your head at 90 degrees and see how colourful the leaves have turned into?

Ever even wonder - how it feels like in Autumn?

I feel love. ;)

Every morning it feels so gracefully charming. I mean the scenery and sights. It always start your day the right way - provided it doesn't rain. and then every evening when you head home - the peaceful sky coloured with natural light rays : I always feel as if I'm walking inside a big big story book; for these are too good to be true.

Sometimes when I walk home with Candy, I'll turn around and tell her : hey wouldn't it be so romantic if my boyfriend was here to hold my hands and walk with me? But oh well, I'm always with you. So.

But it doesn't matter. I'm still happy as ever.

I'm glad I haven't freak out. Under the drastic increase in work loads. I'm glad I'm still coping, rather well actually. Tim, (a school teacher) bumped into me and asked 'how's life' this afternoon. I grinned and said 'Life's great!'.

Yes, life is indeed great. Even if I desire for a kiss, a hug or a shoulder very often - it won't help nagging at the God about it all the time.

And such applies to everything else.

Kalley

My Day

2008-10-13T19:36:00.003+01:00

It's the end of Mock Exams - sort of, at least. When I handed in my paper , I breathed in deeply and ended up coughing like a mad girl , hey, someone deal with this pollution, what the hell. OK anyway I felt relieved.

Had a break in between, decided to pick up my earphone and brush up my listening skills .. Although a sudden pain in my eyes totally blind me off .. Yes - for those freaks who were not able to catch up : I shed some tears. Reason? I don't know for sure - I mean it can't be the music, it was as cheerful as it always has. But I think, and that might be true despite other probable conclusions : I miss someone dearly.

I know I do.
Because I was staring at the photo till I virtually go blind.

Quickly, I searched my bag for eyedrops to sneak away with it, telling my friend it was just some stupid drops of fluids. Aha - like she ever noticed I was there.

Finally talked to mom after a one full week - or even more : I felt so great. Last night she chatted with me for half an hour - and yeah - she's the angel. And she spoke to me after my mocks today , saying my dearie daughter will come in 10 days' time. I just can't help feeling so so so excited and touched ... It has been a month of Sundays since I last hugged and kissed her, my next of kins.

At the end of the day I interviewed a cute Japanese guy - an absolute Adonis, Akito Yamaguchi.. I swear man, I mean, ahem, girls, he is so deliciously cute. HA-HA. His English isn't so well, so the way he responds is sometimes.... very appealing, to me, at least. OK I admit his eyes were pretty. I mean, the eyes I love :D

The few Japanese words he attempted to say sounded so damn hell sweet. If I'm allowed to I'll go after him - haha just kidding. (Or am I?) OK I'm losing my head. Moving on..

It's my oral examination tomorrow - the real CIE thing. I don't know how well am I gonna do , or how badly I'm gonna do ; but I just want to take a rest. Today seems to be taking forever to end.

And I'm tired.

Kalley

1:00:00

2008-10-12T08:35:00.002+01:00

The title indicates the duration I spent on calling the freaky dude : TSR from 8 hours time zone away.

Yes, I have gone crazy.. Don't look at me like that.

It was Graduation OMG :) That's why I made this crazy choice, to spend the whole lot of my credit available in my sim card.. Although it costed about 10 pounds ; I felt so proud and happy I did call up. And despite the fact Shuting fell asleep and snored ; and TTH's phone suddenly die off ; SINREN getting scolded by her brother .....

It was still a perfect call - to me.

For a long long time after I ran out of credit, I felt --- as if I was one of them again. The bunch of girls worrying about pimples , talking about gossips and heat it up , whispering on our old crushes , complaining about stress and days left till the bloody bloody examinations. And it all felt good. ;)

I'm so happy for you guys. Hey, graduation means no more secondary life. OMG we're growing up. How time fliesss...~

I wonder how it felt to be listening to Jenny's speech. I hope it felt like tasting a fine square piece of dark chocolate - you need to learn to taste the bittersweet in between, slowly. Some people love it , some people simply hate it - for our case (assuming), we loved it so much we wouldn't wanna leave. But ha! Parts of us want to try new things out as well don't we?

I envy you guys for having the CCHY PE-shirt bear. D; I wanna cry.

It makes my CCHY limited edition mini bear so lonely. @@;

Anyway - happy graduating. And many lucks for the O's in about 6 days' time.

PS: GET OFF FACEBOOK OMG DONT U HAVE REVISION TO DO SINREN -_-;;

Kalley

Pressurized.

2008-10-08T16:41:00.002+01:00

As I walk past the corridor, my tutor greeted me with his usual bright, energetic voice. The how-are-you-kalley felt like stuffing a mouthful of cotton into my wind pipe. Yes, uncomfortable and very very very stressing.

No John - I'm not so good : I'm feeling pressurized.

'What?! Noo.. You don't look pressurized! You look like you're enjoying the exams!'

Oh Duh.

I sank down deeper....
Help.

It's Mathematics and Physics tomorrow.
Can anyone at all see how fed up I am?

My physics teacher expects me to do absolutely fine if I proceed on taking 5 subjects in A levels. My english teacher expects an A star from me, giving me a big smiling wink on her face.
My biology teacher expects me not to forget everything she has taught me.
My mathematics teacher simply expect me to remember my 'status'??? (OH shit wth am I talking)
and my chemistry teacher just shakes his evil face when I get a big cross for any single question.

I wanna throw a shoe in your faces.
(I mean no harm to all my teachers...... I just mean.. any random persons...?)

Most importantly : the centre head is really getting me crazy.
His expectation is the highest, and the most unreachable. Talk about realistic timing ...

It's 10 minutes to my meeting with the group & centre head Ross Wainwright.
I'm preparing how to die. I haven't got anything to show him... nothing, nothing nothing.
I just came back from my Mocks Oral. And Denise said my voice was monotonous. And indeed, I was going blank ....... In short, I'm tired and stressed.

Rebecca Palmer is not around these 2 days. The class I look most forward to every week. She always cheer my day up. and now, I'm restless and as exhausted as a standing piece of paper. - Yes , A PAPER CANNOT STAND WTF IS WRONG WITH U.

A new clock is launched at Cambridge University, where the designs of the clock include a grasshopper eating up the times and seconds of that big clock - just to let you know time are being 'wasted' and won't come back again even if there's always tomorrow.

And now my time is going just like that.
When I really do my best to grab a good hold of it - BUT IT DOESNT WORK :(
I need more time.
I need more time.
I need more time.

DAMN I need to stayback to interview a Japanese guy.

Damn I don't have time for revision.

Damn damn damn.

My day has arrived to haunt me (officially).

2008-10-06T20:44:00.004+01:00

It's not like things had been angelic and smooth. Not at all for a student about to sit for exams like me - like everyone else in many countries. But I bet I'm at the worse off end. Why? Because I haven't been studying. Hoorah.

The worst part. There's two pimples found this morning. The first thing that came to my mind : OH SHIT DAMN ANTHONY I'VE BEEN AWAKE THESE TWO NIGHTS FOR UR BDAE PRESENT. But, oh well, I guess I really can't blame him... In fact, it was all from my own will. My own idea, alllllll my ownnnn.

Besides, who ask me to overslept. That's why I've been crowned the slugabed queen. (by myself).

Speaking of Anthony, it was his 17th birthday on 4th october 2008... and yes, I'm really happy for him ;D I remember once we were talking about birthdays. and his comment was it was nothing more than a 'special date', so he doesn't need an unique, out of the ordinary style of party. But I insisted. He said I don't have to spend hours for his present. I still insisted. He said I don't even have to give him a present. But I stubbornly wanted to ---

Just because, it is a special date - 04/10/2008 : anthony awanis' s 17th birthday.

To me, it was more than just that. As I told him something that even surprised myself : Hey, you were borned 17 years ago, how cool is that? Without this day, I wouldn't know you.

Apparently my words did not just appeal to Kalley but also Anthony himself. 'Wow I've never thought of it like that before...' I grinned.

On the day of the celebration, I realised none of the boys bought a cake. I felt guilty and called up my friends to fix the situation. As I hung up the call - the boys approached Anthony (quietly sitting on the chair) with a bowl of ice creams/cakes (I would really like to call them desserts) with ONE FXCKING CANDLE ON IT.

I froze. And quickly texted my friends NOT TO BUY BDAE CAKE....

The day passed. It was not very special special, as the way I wanted it to be. But as I asked Anthony, he replied saying he would want nothing more than a normal day, 'man'. I smiled in the darkness (we were in cinema) , looking at his youthful yet handsome looking face, I really wanted to do more , more, more on his birthday.

Note : I'm not in love with him.

Eh, hold on, maybe I am indeed in love with him.

Just not the way you guys want things to be. :D

Anthony Awanis has been a real true good friend so far. And so far - I've been 100% impressed by his personality. Although I shouldn't have shared these tiny details (since I'm shy), I really felt of talking about him all day non-stop (only sometimes when I go crazy). I always have told my friends - I can assure and reassure you that Anthony is 100% good man , so if you want to have a boyfriend go for him, I mean, if he's willing to, of course.

I've always felt like a little sister talking about her older brother. But he was more than an older brother. He was like a quiet listener, a logical advisor, a true friend, a caring mama.... One used to tell me do not have high expectations from the others : else you'll feel nothing but sadness in the end. But in his case, it was hard to not to expect much : as he's always there , as a friend. And that's all I need in my stressful overseas life.

And that was all.

As I sunk under my sheets of past examination papers.. and stressed by this sempiternal and monotonous life , about to become a lachrymose lunatic girl : A real friend is all I need. And a real friend I need only has to listen and care. I'm glad I have more than just one over here. That's why there are still several steps to distant me from this lachrymose stage.

Yes, I'm still having hard time being disciplined.

But no, I'm yet to be defeated.

However - I'm envisaging that day will come : very very soon - on this coming Thursday.. my Mathematics and Physics Mocks Exam. May god bless me.

"I'm god, and I bless you". :)

LOL saw this sentence from facebook -.-;;

Kalley

Valediction - so important I don't want to be exempted from.

2008-10-02T18:06:00.003+01:00

Valediction is like one of the most important things one can ever experience in his/her whole life. A less than 10 minutes speech, a famous, bright and pinned with shiny badges model student will step up on stage --- and tell the world with extreme confidence , fluently describing how our heart have raced and burnt and how we have learnt the moral values before and at the 16-year level.. It's so important because, we know, at another 16 years later, we'll be looking back and smiling , giggling at our past, knowing we've never regretted those times.

In that short 10 minutes (or so), all our memories are allowed to be flashed on screen - and only the sweetest things . The best of all - the clip is different and unique in every individual ; but we all clap for the exact same thing - the history we made in CCHY. Our group of wild, uncontrollable, a total headache, different characteristics people getting together , fusing a 4H-reaction. We went through the process of chemical process to bond, forming some other major troubles for the members of staff ; and now, our bond will be left to decay - just like radioactive isotopes, we never know when will it decay and fade away - we only know ; it won't break that easily like anything else.

Fellas, hey - we're graduating.
In fact it's only next week - 10th / 10 / 2008 Graduation Day.

I'm glad I can still address myself as a member of 4H - I'm the one that messed with the registration, and remained the permanent index no.1 of 4H`2008. But it aches not graduating with you people - and not being one of the audiences who will weep and hug each other down the stage : As we allow our Jenny Ganeshrays valedict our stubborn history. Our time of glory flushing (sry it felt the perfect word) our heart.
Of how people have always said the truth can't be overruled by your desire ; In Cambridge I'm trapped , in different time zones we share - and mobile phones restricted at the time of graduation ceremony .. I only have one thing to say to 4H geeks : I'm really proud of you.

I remember how I started my life in CCHY : A noob freshman knowing absolutely no one , and volunteered for the Class Monitress position. How the class laughed in relaxed ease when I did my introduction. Making a foolish facial expression and searching for clues in my mind.. 'Um, 15 years old?' . The next day see me sitting at the corner and helped brainstorm for the class motto. 'Believe in ourselves and dare to dream', and that motto stayed fixed for these two consecutive years. The first week passed with me memorizing the faces and names of my dear classmates, sorting out the stack of forms in my bedroom and quietly testing myself who is who. There was my monitress badge giving ceremony. With me smiling , acting unappreciative and the 'ah whatsoever' look. But deep down I knew I was the only person - able to tell what I truly felt at that moment.

Our quickly-faded secondary three year with me feeling totally reluctant to the whole new life. Looking behind me, how I used to hate every single little things make me feel like a total bitch. I admit - I hated Daddy Lee; I hated having high expectations for being the monitress; I hated the after-school tuitions just because '4H must get single digit'. No doubt, I hate my world having to revolve around the bloody damn O's.

Unwilling, I took with my burdened shoulders and heavy steps to return to school which is only 5 minutes away. but it took me less than a day of realizing everyone experienced the identical feelings as I did, but they bothered to make an effort to adapt and fit in. You hear the annoyance , complaints and the talk-backs when you're simply shitting in the ladies. All of us hated the old vxxgin, we hated how people look at you in a different way. It especially stabbed through our hearts when rumours said Ms Lin was glad she didn't have to teach us anymore. Life was miserable.

Daddy Lee never give up reminding us of the realistic world. He compared us with the top elite schools, he compared me with our model students, he publicly humiliate a person's (haha Samuel) uniform and appearance, he threw his temper at us and left the class leaving us in total blank of what to do next, but sometimes he's really good : he can wipe his dirty dusty hands on his face and let us make fun of it, he call and visit you when you're sick, he lets you know what is his dream and ultimate beliefs for the class, he discusses with you on how to make the class more united, how he looked at us and smiled as if we were his own children during the CCHY`2007 camp ---- over time, we learnt, the moral of the story is nothing more than Appreciation.

Early 2008 greeted us with a new teaching and learning system. Not just lectures - but forms relating to 'your O's targets' and 'your current grade' are distributed and filled in. A lady with microphone always ask you to 'aim high, aim high'... We the kiasu people always did what she told us to. But as all these happen, the stress eats us up bits by bits, lumps by lumps, secreting chemical enzymes just to make sure you're in full despair.

But as matureness developed inside us, we now understand it, and are thankful for everything. That's why we've burnt the night oils together, texting each other 'jiayous' and after-school tuition by our Science Freak Timothy, mugger Hannah, the very sunshine Sunshine, the one who always slap me in my back ChengMun, the gorgeous SinRen, the silent MayDay lover TzyHuoy, the older-than-me-but-have-always-called-me-mama JueTong, and Timothy's girlfriend HuiChin ... & many many more who have helped me during my most difficult times so far in life : thank you for offering me a helping hand from grieve.

Oh yes - it's now or never.
The eyebags are now worth it - for more secured future.
The process is even more worth it - for we've now grown up : we're more motivated than ever.

'Fighters' is the word I use to describe my fellow classmates. They may say they are afraid of losing their treasured things when they are up to battle in war -- but you never see them stop revising. It's the result that matter - we've learnt from lessons. Just like the raw chicken game. To win : you must always work twice harder..

Here marks the end of our secondary life. Soon 4H will be replaced by the current 3H, where the index number one will not be named Chong Chwen Bing. I really wish to be there, very very badly. I want to at least once - shed tears in my secondary life and feel satisfied by all my craze and foolishness .. with you people. But since the fact remains still , I shall wish you the very best in your upcoming O levels, feeling confident that you'll be OK. ;) & Happy graduating, geeks.

And Jenny? You must, make Daddy Lee weep.
And everyone? You must, take a picture and post on facebook and show it to me.

I miss you all.

Kalley / ChwenBing (7.52PM Cambridge time)

Hugs

2008-09-28T13:10:00.000+01:00

Just glad you're there.

It had been difficult for me ever since I came back to UK..
and I'm relli relly glad, someone is always upstairs for me to disturb and lend a hug x)

Hugs have been extremely special communication for me.
Or rather, it has been an untimate heal for my wounds.

I miss xxx's hugs.
they used to keep my strong.
they always have the power to recharge me.

But since u're not offering it anymore;;
Friendships huggings are like the best I can wish for.

Thanks Candy for offering the best friendship hug for 23489 times. ::P
I'm feeling much betterrrr.

N I'm really proud of myself..

Kalley

HeBe's 17th Birthday

2008-09-26T22:04:00.006+01:00

It's over 100 days of knowing this Macau-ian girl.

Hebe Lao Un Wai...

Her image in my mind changed over 10 times. (OK maybe alil too exaggerating). At first, I thought she was old-tempered and commanding. For some unknown reasons, you won't hate her, even after awhile. Over time, I learnt she is a mentally strong girl. But sometimes, you see her alone, and then you have this urge to run over and hug her so tight , just felt like telling her, 'hey, you are not alone, okay?'

But I was never very very close to her. In fact, I always always upset her - made her angry or doing something stupid. She can do a lot of things under great determination. She has always proven me how to treat things with your instincts. Not your freaky decision of 'feelings'.

It's her 17th birthday today, we went wild and stuffs. They played some games, and luckily I didn't lose. Any of those. So I didn't have to end up with wasabi. Damn how cool is that?

But. OK maybe there was something I lost to.

We were playing cards earlier this afternoon. I lost. I stood up on a table and yell 'Happy BIRTHDAY HEBEEEEEEEEEEEEE'. OK I was sure many people noticed me.

But U know how I go 'ARH it's ok, friend's one and all.'

I Love U dear.

Be happy always OK. Don't pressure yourself too much as I kept on repeating and repeating. Thanks for being my friend. Thanks for teaching me lots of things. Thanks thanks thanks. Thanks for being Lao Un Wai HEBE :)

Thanks for being nuts and crazy and brought alot of happiness through out the 100 days.

& thanks for shopping with me today and gave me lots of ideas. though noisy but helpful.

Again : Happy 17th birthday. U R LIKE a beautiful blooming floWER. ^^;;

KALLEY

happy birthday to dear beloved..

2008-09-24T21:58:00.000+01:00

Dear dear ming sexy : another year of bdae without me.

Do U miss me, sometimes?

I know I do :)

Happy 16th Birthday.

Hopefully I'm there next year to celebrate..

Kalley [the 7th year of close friendship.. ] I Love U ^^;;

Summer Holidays 2008

2008-09-21T14:17:00.002+01:00

Went to Singapore for her.
She always managed to touch my heart so deeply.

She was completely attached to me..
Everytime I said 'bye-bye',
I see fear and lost-ness in her eyes...
Breaking my heart into pieces.

Girl, I promise, I will bring you by my side...soon..

I bought a RM16.90 ball for Kitty to run in.

He loves it.

He would disturb me now and then to let him run.

Under condition : muffin is not in the room to kick him.

NeCurs got her skin infected again, bleeding and her skin just fall off. =/

Several nights I weeped looking at her , and listening to her cries.

When NeCurs was much younger, about 3 months old,

Mom wanted to give her away

I begged and cried and yelled and even scribbled all over for Curs to stay.

My 1-week effort finally then paid off.

NeCurs companied me during my most fearful moments.

I let her in the house when no one's home, I cuddle her and she slept on my lap.

She was like an angel during my childhood days.

And after Mimie left us, I always have thought she is the gift from Mimie.

To company me.

But now at times I think:

If Curs went to someone else's, would she have received better care,

More love, more warmth, less dogfights...

Would she be happier?

Such thinkings are useless, I know.

Still, when vet said she won't be able to have furs growing at the infected area anymore due to past non-fully recovered wounds.

It aches my heart again and again.

Her hospitalization fee was about 200 dollars.

But I want the best for her. I hope she knows I love her.

I'm back in Cambridge.

I can't wait to leave again. (haha)

Kalley

GIRL..

2008-09-06T03:26:00.004+01:00

When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions...she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you she is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest .. she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL says ' I love you ' .. she means it.

When a GIRL says ' I miss you ' .... no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person ....

Find a guy ..

who calls you beautiful instead of hot.

who calls you back when you hang up on him.

who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy

who ... kisses your forehead.

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!! '

Kuantan Life.

2008-08-23T15:32:00.002+01:00

First of all : I need to apologize.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. ....

Didn't mean to give you empty hopes.

But.. due to personal reasons : sorry, I can't meetup and yam cha with you people..

Esp C.M. M.T. Kent and K.O.

I know I promised you four, but.......................

There's really something, stopping me.
and I can't tell.

There was a promise made long ago.

Whatever happens, I won't, and never will, involve any of you into my world.

That's the last thing I want to do.

Sorry for not showing up; sorry for all the late replies : I know you guys have been wondering where have I been.......
(and right this moment, Kent is MSN-ing asking already =/)

I... have something to protect. and a principle I insist. I.... am a nerd. ><

I've been near.

But I've been far away.

Sorry about that.
I really wish I didn't.

我是猪头……

Love Journey

2008-08-15T03:10:00.002+01:00

Babes, I'm in Kuantan now. ;)
Next week holiday lets go yam cha..
Next Sunday I'm free for ppl to date... HAHA xD
Lol.

Will go singapore the week after.
(if anyone wants to sponsor a place to stay larrrr... )
I miss Princess.

Muffin's home and he sucks.
Cause he barked at Kitty.
and my sister said he wanted to bite Kitty when I was away.
Damn.
I swear.
I'm gonna cut his thing down and chop it into balls.
And let him eat it himself. (this last sentence comes from my mom... >_>)

Installation Nite am not going..
Because.. no partner lahs.
My partner doesn't wanna go..
Soooo..
Yeah.
Since my wife told me 4 times or more that she doesn't wanna go too..
I guess that's that then~~

I miss chunming.
I miss lao po.
I miss kent.
I miss ah fan.

@.@
Alahmaksss.

Kalley

I'm going going going home.

2008-08-10T19:08:00.002+01:00

Mosta & Yuki.. My first 2 friends made in UK.

We were very very very close.

Were, anyway.

And then we went distant.

Certain times , I feel left out.

But then again : it's life ain't it.

Destined to meet someone.

Destined to know someone.

Destined to be close to someone.

Destined to leave someone.

Destined.

For me,

it was destined to love them.

It's my second last day in Cambridge.

I asked Yuki out, since we have alot of catching up to do..

She told me her stories, and I told her mine.

Certain times this girl does things I simply dislike..

but most of the time I end up being .. considerate?

It was a heartache.

Needing to see them break down at times.

and it was a deeper heartache.

when you simply, cannot help.

I understood we'll never be close anymore -

but it felt nice.

having to sit down and talk and chit chat.

a cup of coffee in starbucks.

Yuki and I are two similar species.

we always have our points of views.

and

we always try so hard to be loved.

She's leaving Cambridge.

I may or may not see her again..

but whatever then..

I know I'll miss her..

These photos are from a graduation ball earlier in May.

I remember that day,

was the happiest day in UK I had so far.

But it didn't last.

I described myself as Cinderella's stepsister.

Happiness was so short -

not enough even to indulge myself in it.

and Cinderella came.

and my spotlight ended.

If I had the chance to choose again,

I would, want to remain in our world.

It was wrong, to enter another world I wasn't clear of.

And now I miss 'their' world.

This summer holiday will be a tough one.

An important decision affecting my whole life will be done..

Going back home has always been stressful.

Even though I miss F&F very much..

but every single time I went back,

every different version of stories are written in my life.

I don't like it.

That feeling is scary.

In exactly 12 hours I'll be leaving Cambridge.

I sincerely hope..

Whatever decisions made this time..

He'll stay by me and support..

Somehow.. I need his support the most right now.

and something tells me he will..

can't wait to meet him and the old gang..

and lao po too.. ^^

I need to do my final packing now..

......

4H!!!

2008-08-02T11:54:00.002+01:00

4H. Please don't get emo.

Please don't get beaten down.

Please don't let yourself down.

Please don't let me down.

Please don't get me worrying.

Please don't fall.

Please be good.

Please be happy.

I experience heartaches whenever I realize you guys are stressed and fucked up, yet .. failure is not an option. And so you guys must keep on going forward, despise all those tonnes of burden you have to carry, it is still a must to reach the top A.S.A.P.

If I didn't leave, I know, I must be one of you guys too.

But you guys obviously did better job than me. You guys are enduring, and silently yet working hard - knowing all these will be worth it.

And that makes me feel so proud of 4H.

In this short 4 month duration, we've all grown up in different sorts of way. I'm seeing different individuals chatting / emailing / talking to me with different characteristics. And most importantly, you guys are united, bonded - you guys care for one another.

I know O levels are just in 2 months' time. (thanks to our MSN countdowner YunQi who constantly stress us out ... )

And I also know you guys are true fighters.

Be good.

I hope I haven't been forgotten.

Keep in contact, will you?

Signing off,

4H class register no.1

Botanics love

2008-08-01T15:33:00.004+01:00

In this very short not-writing-blog period,
I've changed.

Alot.

More sentimental.
More logical.
..and, more than ever - appreciative.

Maybe it's because I've been learning more about climate change.
or maybe it's because it's just a process of growing up.
Or even, I'm afraid of the realistic world I'm starting to learn about.

I really don't know.

But either way = I'm hoping my prediction is true : it's a positive sign.

I cuss more than usual, apparently.
(and I kinda conclude that as part of grown-ups-attitude.)
but I also tend to be more, mushy..
(It began to be scary to my friends and family...)

I've been constantly saying shocking things to them.
About my future.
and I just can't help it.
because as I discover more things : - I also realizes, something I used to value are not that important. AND, things I used to think I can live without - became indigiously vital. and I.. want to be , someone.

Not fame, not money.
But someone loving her F and F.
Someone, able to do that more than just saying it.

I want to be someone able to provide shelter.
even if it was corrosive substances pouring on this lame shelter,
I still wanna ensure I did my best.

It's the beginning of August.
With eclipse.
Hopefully everything will go well.

I'm going home soon.
The home - home.
My real home.
I'm missing my wife deeply.
and I'm missing my dearest family.
all these while are worth doing for -
when I'm convinced they are my source of energy.
works better than any highly concentrated caffeins.
and any other orgasms you receive during your sex lives.

I love them.
and I want to continue doing that forever.

I'm sorry Candy, I know I promised not to post it with your body in it.
T.T;; but hey, I look totally FAT in it too
Hope one day you'll learn to understand :
it doesn't really matter.
Nothing is so bad with a natural self that needs to be buried in shadows.
Not even my fat ass.

Be confident, friends.
Quoting 'it's not about what you have, it's about what you do with what you've got'
Have a nice day.

Pictures : trip to Botanic garden .

Signiing off with lots of Botanics Love,

Kalley ^^

Damn.

2008-07-21T20:02:00.003+01:00

Damn.

Something is yelling inside my head

'BURN THAT CHUNK OF HW

WHY CARE.'

and then..

'NO. GLOBAL WARMING.

IF YOU BURN THAT HOMEWORK,

IM GONNA BURN UR ASS.'

woo. ok. my ass is important.

so fine, I'll finish my homework..

Maybe later.

Damn that stupid host father.

I'm really dissatisfied with him nowadays.

IT'S NOT MY JOB TO LISTEN TO UR SCOLDINS

& THEN..

translate to the chinese girls.

If you really want to nag on and scold people,

LEARN MANDARIN AND U CAN CUSS AS MUCH AS U WANT.

..and DONT call me darling.

I'm not your darling

not your daddy's girl

and not your baby.

You suck.

-_-

I can't tell what's wrong..

2008-07-19T19:31:00.002+01:00

It has been a really really really weird day for me..
hope you guys will forgive me for not uploading the pictures.

I don't know why,
but I really feel .... so annoyed.
By what? By who?..

I hope it's not one of the hormonal changes again.
Sigh.

Go away,
I want my smiley face back.
You stupid part of memory, shoo.
I'm already letting you go,
will you just speed up and LEAVE.

F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck..
Damn it,
get off my mind!!!!

...
I miss my giggly face--
I miss the days when all these haven't happened! :/

I'm off the computer. Sigh... >_<

Incoming... pictures I promised (finally!) :D

2008-07-17T21:09:00.013+01:00

Incoming... pictures I promised (finally!) :D

On my way to sandringham... Bored like hell...> >@

We're in!! LOL OMG XD

the person charged all of us child ticket..

Only 5 pounds!! hhahahaa.

Supposingly only me and Apple can get this special treatment

(since we are innocent 15-year-old)

but haha, all those thick face ones ...

no lar, the person selling really veri kind.. <3

I like this one..

damn.. this house is just huge.

OK fine, maybe not as huge as Her Majesty's other castles.

but this is like the x1000 magnified version of my house.

I was amazed by how straight they are lined up.

it's really sttraaaiiighhhttt. -.-;;

I just can't help it.

SO WHAT IF I POSE UGLY-LY.

I rule .

at least, in my blog.

hahaha. this was snapped at instance though.

did not have the chance to do other poses.

I was running throughout the garden as I was the one takin pictures here and there

and I have to catch up to them... oh wellz.

I don't know what's that for,

just felt like doing it.

yes, you're right,

i was in the mood of measuring it. wth -.-

Later on the day we went to Hunstington

which I will update tomorrow..

cause it took me forever to load these already

and I don't plan to sacrifice my beauty sleep time hahas

anyway people, here are the pictures I owe you!

Hope you enjoyed ; )

Below are some hot spotlights and a little background story aka behind the scene...

Hebe on the left : oii oiiii why point your finger at me harrr? >

Candy on the right : (wear braces) omg I tell you.. the what what what and something something...etc. (^_^)

Hebe : OK SHUT up I don't want to hear anymore. -smacks-

Candy : OUCH!!! -runs...-

lol under 16th please view this with parental companionship. HAHA XD

Hebe : try talking and talking and talking again and SEE WHAT HAPPENS. >_>

Candy : T_T ... sobs... ok.......
And meanwhile, where's APPLE?!

OK, posing with this, not bad.

hahaha, she's just staying outta trouble, which is... clever. ;3

This is when Hebe hurried away..

Candy : HEBEEEEE.. DONT LEAavVVeEE MEEE alOOoneEEEE...

Apple : wow this place is quite big.. hmm.. -enjoys the sunshine-

HAHA. lol, ok so maybe I'm a bad make up storyteller.

but yeah, their moments captured are just funny.

I bet I'm a good photographer.

and nah, we're good girlfriends =p

signing off with thoughts .. (i miss u all ><::)

kalley... lots and lots of loves <3..

His life, my life.

2008-06-27T21:55:00.002+01:00

His life, my life.

I'm one step ahead.

How cool is that xD

For the past few weeks..

I'd really like to thank all my girlfriends that showed concern & support..

**Singapore**

HuiChin..

SinRen..

Colin..

**Kuantan**

ChunMing..

Theng dearie..

**Cambridge**

Hebe..

Candy..

Apple..

Mosta..

Christine..

Shi Han..

Eugenie..

Linh..

Annis..

Sammie..

Anthony..

Jin dearie..

**Family**

World's best mummy..

World's best sister - Chwen..

World's best brother - YHong..

World's best sis-in-law - BLee..

It meant alot to me.

I'm seriously blessed with you guys' presence.

I mean yeahh. thanks all. from the veri bottom of my heart..

Would really like to thank a few persons specifically ..

SinRen - my cutest girlfriend..

Girl, thanks for constantly missing me (elleh xD)

and constantly showing concern after I'm here..

(even though everyone else almost disappeared.. hmm)

The last chat was sweet,

I'll never regret knowing you.. ; )

ChunMing - my leng zai grandpapa

Grandpapa~~ I swear man, you're like getting more and more macho (elleh XD)

Remember our date horr..

you always tipu orang sia.. kaka..

but yeah.. thanks for comforting me.

Even though I know you're like 99% joking about stuffs..

but yep yep.. my grandpapa sure can get a girlfriend hehe..

Missing you lots .. >.<

Theng Dearie - my best best best best best friend in the whole universe

'it's not just your life, it's his life too.'

thanks darling, this helped me alot..

Looks like we're constantly learning things from each other

huh?

Remember our promise dear..

One day I'll return to you..

where we can get together again ..

and I swear I'll tell you everything..

of whatever I've learnt.

Be tough, girl, while I'm away.

I failed to take good care of myself..

(and the one you ask to take good care of me.. Hebe is like.. totally forgot about it already haha)

I guess I made you worried.

and I know you were trying to cheer me up .. (or maybe not.. xD)

thanks for all those chats..

I love you dear.. Muahhhx <3

Anthony - eat shittttttt.. hahahaaaaaaa

You gained my respect, dude.

I mean yah.. thanks for the slaps.

first time ever have I been slapped for hurting myself.

Thanks for caring..

Thanks for all the advices..

I've churned them over.. and they began to taste sweet.

I hope I can be as logic as you..

often when I lose my way..

you cut me off and direct me straight away..

and thanks for being noticeable of my mood swings..

thanks for showing concern and for saying I love you.

damn I'm starting to miss you already..

>.>"

Jin dearie - my girlfriend in Cambridge

Girlfriend.. thanks for lending me every lean and every hug..

thanks for scolding me when I get too silly..

thanks for constantly making jokes to cheer me up and distract me..

thanks for walking me home and making sure I won't have too much time alone..

thanks for being there, always

thanks for listening to all my bragging and nagging..

thanks for being both a good girlfriend and a naggy brother

thanks for just being yourself

thanks for making yourself THAT important in my heart.

thanks for all those randomness

thanks for all those mushy words ( that I forced you to say )

HUGS. I miss you.

Damn.. what a touching post.. x)

I won't say I've wiped out everything and moved on..

I won't say I'm fully charged and ready to challenge again..

But I'm definitely feeling better with you guys around.

Thanks for all the parience with my immature requests and actions

I was self- centred.

I was too busy thinking of how to make myself feeling better

you guys are one nerdy group that are willing to fulfill me

For now..

I just can't wait to quickly go back

and hug everyone of you tightly

I'll be back soon.. =)

kaLLeY

Suffocated

2008-06-24T18:33:00.000+01:00

Suffocated
Had to wake up like half an hour earlier lately..
(well that isn't really purposely.. cause I ain't able to sleep anyway....)
Cause I walk incredibly slow these days.... (it usually take me 8 mins to school)
It's just...
after he left, the same exact road to school or going back home
the same exact road...
Just takes forever to walk...
I've never realized it can be that far to school..
Sigh .

It was really a tiring day..
Especially I've totally lost sleep last night..
Really.... I can't help but blaming myself,
Why allow him to show up again and again in mind..
Ever since he left,
Never have I stopped dreaming about him...
Few times throughout the night I woke up..
Finding myself in total lost state...

The shock caught me too suddenly...
I didn't have the time to react....
I can't really face the truth yet...
Not even after I know there's 'no turning back...'

Baby boy,..
can I cry?
Can I, for once,
be self centred?
Forcing myself not to be weak in front of you,
it hurts more than I thought it would...

Came back home today..
Saw him leaving a message to me on MSN..
and his status message could be clearly seen.
I guess it was obvious..
that's he's happy ..

and I shouldn't ask for more.
I should be satisfied.. if he's happy.
But damn...
it hurts still.

Failed to hide.

2008-05-27T12:16:00.000+01:00

Failed to hide.

One used to tell me, I'm borned to be an actor.
An actor that sucks in lying, apparently.

The closest ones to me know I'm the weakest in life.
I climb to reach, fall and cry, stand up with scars.
The whole cycle starts again.

I ain't that great. I have an ultimate defect : I have emotions.
My adrenaline works at its hyper everyday.
Resulting myself in a chaotic life.

The past is now a piece of the memory puzzle.
Yet - they make up who I am right now.
From the past - I've always been alone in my cell.
Many things happened, made me couldn't trust a person easily.
Constant shifts made me couldn't give too much feelings to the people around me.
Because I know I am weak.
Any tiny change , any tiny ones that are easily ignored, can easily harm me.

I've been living my life like that for 15 years.
Just like that.

I thought I've learnt my lesson.
I fled to Cambridge, i really thought I learnt my lesson.
I was at fault.
I was to blame.

Trusting a person.
Giving in as much feelings.
What the god damn hell was I thinking?

I admit I did not do a smart cover up
but it was good enough to protect the ones around me.
I can pretend, act, put on a plastic smiling face.
Yet sometimes - your eyes can't lie.

Sigh.

I kiss my knees once again.
and this time, no one shall know more than this ..

kk

2008-05-21T18:51:00.000+01:00

The clock reached half past five,
In the corridor I ran across,
Where words were lost ;
Where colours were blinded.
So suddenly;
Yet unemotioned.
In my friend's hug I laid,
weeping like a dolly girl;
An unwanted dolly little girl.

Your presence was seen.
There were millions of expressions .
but I lost in a test of courage.
I was afraid, of your answer;
I was afraid, of your rejection -- again.

But why, oh why?
Why was I seeking;
When I was the one who ran past you?
Like a coward, hurried away;
Like a secret admirer, who still enjoys your presence.
And why, oh why
Why did you step into my life?
And why did I ever allowed you to?

Your message was received.
Silently yet deeply.
Yes - I could understand.
But no - it was the last sentence I couldn't meet.
Like a valuable crystal,
I fall from the world you gave me;
yet how I wish
it wasn't you who pushed me.

***************************************

You did not understand.
and I simply do not understand you, either.
The reasons you gave me , did not matter.
At least, for now, it wouldn't.
All these while - was I the only one dreaming?
and why can't you be confident of yourself
If it was happiness you want to secure in me,
why are you so sure you will hurt me in the future?
sorry -- I couldn't understand.
It may be for my benefits, but I answered you last night.
Didn't I?

I trust you.

KALLEY..
sinking.

Randomly posted

2008-05-17T00:14:00.000+01:00

Randomly posted

Somehow my hormones swings are a bit wavy these days.

That totally explains a person like ME,
I mean, ME.

Is still awake after 12 midnight.

Let's post a picture of mine.

(You know, for my fans)

*Waves*

Been tiring these days.
Haven't done much in action, though.

Uh-huh. Sorry friends.
I know I promised : to tell everyone when I'm not feeling good.

But that kinda happened.. a few weeks ago.
Well, it still happens now.

All the old days seem to be coming back to me.

Don't mind the details but
yeh, I'm pulling my way through.

I had a 1v1 session with the college's Centre Head, Ross this afternoon.
We had a nice one hour talk, rather than an extra lesson.

Ross, being the young naughty boy as usual, teased me around and praised me,
surprisingly.

He said something that allows my mind to chew over and over again.

And with some salivary amylase, I made sure I taste something sweet from it.

'Never try, never know'

'Yah, I can already see you in a long run, Kalley'

Fly high, baby.

A day in school

2008-05-11T21:00:00.001+01:00

A day in school

So I've been making friends.

Some much loved bastards.

Irritating yet very attractive.Hahas.

this weekend I spent it in the tower (hostel)

I call that 'relaxed - studying'

Which means you read a few sentences in your Biology,

then you find ways to go out of the classroom and play with the boys.

Well -- not exactly 'play'.

I'm always watching.

You all know my best - the good old Kalley can't play in action.

She simply sucks.

*Shrugs*

This is random but

I love my UK friends.

They are cute, man.

Correction : - They are cute monkeys, man.

They just can't stop.

Anyway, back to topic..

It has been a long day for me.

Physically and mentally -

I wasn't quite sure why am I having some thoughts in my mind

That really made my mind suffered .

Even if I was having so many Why's in my mind

I just can't help hoping that it will disappear A.S.A.P.

Whatever or whatsoever is happening.

I want my peace.

Sorry - I know I mentioned back to TOPIC.

Uhh so..

They went and play tennis.. I sat down and watch..

Almost get sun burnt..

Then we went for dinner..

Then I went back home......

lmao.

Geesus, I didn't know it's that hard writing a diary post.

That's cause I have always been writing craps.

KALLEY

Say NO to horror movies.

2008-05-04T17:27:00.000+01:00

Say NO to horror movies.

It's the weekend, pals.

A friend of mine has came up with a rather, strange idea of how to spend the weekend.

Horror movie.

As all my old friends knew, me, Kalley Chong, simply does not watch horror movies.

Ever since I was.. 7.

Oh well, I must have been crazy, to actually watched one yesterday.

According to Candy, my friend, she says the movie is 'romantic and funny'.

She also said, the movie is 'NOT scary'

She went on, telling me that the movie is NOT a horror movie.

Then you finally know how naive I am.

Sobs.

I was so sure my heart was gonna bump out anytime, and was prepared to think about becoming a donor or whatsoever...

THE MOVIE IS FUCKING SCARY OMG.

The only thing I had to make sure is -- kill Candy.

Yesterday, my heart overworked and I ended up looking like a pale - ghostly - ghost.

Today it wasn't that bad, other than having some relatives of the host parents'.

Yeah, it's really no big deal.

Except , they gigs and laughs from the living room, exactly 4m away from my room, and I can still hear it.

Their children runs here and there, falls down and start weeping.

ah, it's really no big deal except they are extremely noisy , and most importantly, I can't focus.

Sigh.

OK. Enough of this depressing entry.

Let's talk about something positive.

Had a nice chat with my mother on the phone, one and a half hour.

Guess what we're talking about.

A boy I admire.

LMAO.

People do not believe, that I can talk about girly teenagers stuffs to my own mother.

But hey world, my mother was the girly teenager before.

And most importantly, she listens. (Even though she gives shitty advices)

Being a technophobe, she can still happily laughs on the other technophobes because she knows she's never the last.

My mother is simply my fortress and friend and family.

She made my day . Whoo. :D

KALLEY

In School

2008-04-15T10:54:00.000+01:00

In School

Sorry for not posting for centuries.

I was possibly too busy (or too lazy).. well, you know.

*Shrugs*

((God I am really struggling through to typing the SSSS word... someone should melt this keyboard away, whatever matter it is, I simply do not CARE.))

Life has been rather... tiring.

Only about half a month I've reached here,

but yet I'm feeling, absolutely EXHAUSTED.

(OKAY so maybe that's because there's a lack of supply in handsome and cute boys...)

But that's only maybe.

You all trust me, don't you? :D

Well.. I'm going to be an aunt in about 8 months time.

Yes, my brother's girlfriend is pregnant.

And she has decided NOT to abort it.

Hoorah.

The first thing I'm gonna teach him/her is..

to address me as leng lui slim aunt.

You must understand, aunt sounds.... old.

No offence, but it just... old.

leng lui + slim makes it more... kalley.

I know you all agree with me, so need not to reply me.

Made a few friends here... teachers are great.. weather is cold...

Sooooo... whatever.

I am practically quite used to everything around here..

Except.

School ending at 5pm..

Leave me around 3 hours for homework and no time for revision.

I sleep at ten, darlings.

I wake up at six, idiots.

So I'm no pig.

I just don't have enough time.

So there's where my stress comes in...

Hope I will somehow *get used to it* soon.

By any (slightest) chance, I'll blog again soon.

With loves & no kisses,

KALLEY :)

Newcastle

2008-04-04T13:47:00.000+01:00

Newcastle

Yeh yeh I know you guys miss me.

*I'm sooo popular*

Lmao.

SO.. I've been staying in Newcastle .

And will be leaving tomorrow (5th April); on my way to cambridge.

Where my homestay parents will come and pick me up~

They are Indian Origin, so as I've heard.

Anyway.. people are getting unreasonably curious about my ongoings.

Not really unreasonable, I know I'm popular.

Lmao.

Yesterday, my brother's friends came .

And there's this girl I like alot~ her name's Rebecca.

Though I did not have the chance to take her photo..

She asked me a very... special question.

She asked what's my plush' name.

'Uhhh, I'll think about it'.

and I came up with the name.. Doo Doo~!!!

(OK so it was printed in Doo Doo's label.. but whatever.)

The name's cute.

And so is her owner.

Many other things happened.

Let's start with April Fool.

So I've been fooled by some idiotic boys.

and it was Princess' one-year-old BIRTHDAY!!!!

Cheers to my cutie..

I love her..

missing her so much..

Heard from Arthur (the one taking care of my lil Princess),

said sometimes Princess will try to ask him something,

but none Arthur nor Isabelle (another one taking care of my lil Princess) could tell what Princess wanted to tell them..

They said she always looked sad in her eyes whenever she tries to tell them something**..

They guessed she might be missing me, wondering where I've been...

It totally aches me.

Heartache.

Sigh.

My baby away from me..

I hope she doesn't think that I abandoned her.

Cause I never will.

NEVER.

Also..

April Fool.. I have a new cousin!!

Have not seen her photo.. but hey.. same birthday date as my dog.. XD

LOL.

Heres some pictures :::

ENJOY! ^^

She hates strawberries.

That's my sister's BF.. trying to make the same face...

With loves,

KALLEY & Doo Doo..

Mixed feelings, I blame it to hormonal changes.

2008-03-23T13:51:00.000Z

Mixed feelings, I blame it to hormonal changes.

It's just soo... whatever.

I hate seeing everything being messed up.

Yet my M'sia house is just so fucking big.

While I cleaned up one, another is very quickly been destroyed.

I hate separating my discs from the album.

But I had to, I can't possibly bring the whole perfect pieces..

It'll cost hella lot by the taxes.

I hate eating the oily, crunchy, food.

Yet I was forced mentally (by myself) to a reason : I can't have them in UK.

Then I had to cry and yell when I see the numbers shown ..

that's when my Mom thought I saw a mouse in the house cause I was

'overreacting', to her beliefs.

I hate not being with my darling Princess.

Yet UK has this stupid 6-months rule, follow or else.

So I had to follow.. and then hug my 'princesslove' bolster and cry.

and my Mom would look at me as if I was a freak and say ' no, not again..'

OK maybe I was crying a tiny winnie too too too childish.

I hate my short hair.

No no no, my short fringe hair.

The well known apple head by Rainie.

Also named 'Mushroom head' by my eldest sister.

It's too cute for a manly-woman like me.

Toooo gross. Way toooo gross.

And no I won't post a picture of that. NEVERR!

I hate seeing my laptop or iPod freezes.

But heck who can control their emotions?

OK so maybe I can, but hey, they were meant to store things.

They were not meant to store things and freeze.

Whatever.

I hate leaving my friends.

Because I love my friends.

Even though some regarded me as a monster... wadddeverrrr!!

I hate my hormonal changes these days.

It's way worse than maternity.

It makes me sudden fat and sudden thin.

It makes me sudden cry and sudden laugh.

I feel like I'm a freak who deserves a place in the mentality hospital.

But one thing I finally love around here.

My brother's bed.

Freaking cozy.

Muahhhhz.

A-piece-of-crap post, it shall end here.

Ciao~

I've requested Derek to return me the photos he digested.

2008-03-22T06:36:00.000Z

I've requested Derek to return me the photos he digested.

Muahhhhhzzz!! I love ya all.. ^^

I miss them.. T.T''

Received several complaints about their school assignments & tests etc..

Cheer up, girls!

Cheer up, boys!

4H'08 rockssss ~~

(except Mr. Lee, thats my belief.. XD shhh)

It's always great to worry about these stuffs.

Trust me, they are lot blissful than mine.

Do treasure them, and keep yourselves happy alright?

Even though we aren't together for now, I believe what I've told you all earlier on..

That is;;

Nothing changes friendship.

I love you all. ;)

Forever.

I have an urge to cut short hair..

2008-03-20T13:51:00.000Z

I have an urge to cut short hair..

I mean seriously, I wanna cut short hair.

Yes it is freaking unbelievable but hell yea.

I'm gonna cut my long-hair-that-reaches-my-waist SHORT!

That's the bob-style.

blehs. I want to cut this hairstyle before I regret.

But here comes the problem; I hardly trust any Kuantan hairstylist.

and I can't go back to Singapore.

Sigh.

This is soooo... wadever.

Bored to death.

2008-03-12T01:30:00.000Z

Bored to death.

Define happiness. and then define the opposite..

LOL.. what am I writing exactly -_-;;

I'm of the mostly doomed right now.. Kuantan is just plain and dull. OK maybe not all.

Tomorrow will be the Kuantan-friends gathering at the beach.. I think it'll be great. Only *iF*, it doesn't rain. Please don't rain. DON'T. T.T

Few days back I got so bored.. my whole body was already growing mushrooms.. -.-''

SO... I went to Genting with my dear Gwen.... it was all a piece of.... weirdness.

We are too old for gaming; too young for gambling... So we were 2 lost babes walking here and there.... tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk...

that's gwen dearie and meee .. 2 dummies.. -.-'

u can see we're really very bored there...

Okay.. enough of that..

I'm seriously NOT happy this morning..

I'm desperately missing someone I'm not suppose to miss.

what's wrong with me? -.-''

Are ya trying to tell me , kalley, possibly, having a, crush??

Let me faint.

Marrying someone in 5~7 years?!?!

2008-03-06T18:33:00.000Z

Marrying someone in 5~7 years?!?!

Seriously, I don't know anything. >_>"....OK maybe I do know something*

Well it's this.. Parents are worried about my health and so on.. so brought me to meet with a fortune -teller kinda guy.. Well he said I need not to worry .. cause I was borned being tough.. The main point is :

He says, I'll marry between 21~23 years old.

I nearly vomitted.

Nearly.

I was like,.. Goodness's sake. If it was true, then that guy I'll marry must be :

1. Uber rich.

2. Uber handsome.

3. Love me to death.

If the guy isn't *that* perfect, why would I sacrifice my youth to marry him? Blehs. It was just kinda embarassing.. I can't imagine me marrying an ang-mo.. Ya know? T_T" It's just so.. not me. Let's pray that the guy is really that perfect... Uhm , future husband..?

Leaving Singapore..

2008-03-03T00:23:00.001Z

Leaving Singapore..

When I farewell hugged MinYuan ShangYun Clarence Jane this morning at McD, it's really the first time I think I'm really leaving.

I suddenly realize, oh, I'm leaving..

and the feelings aroused are definitely NOT good. It was harsh, saddening.

Previously I told myself not to cry..

Yet I cried this morning after saying goodbye to them..

Minyuan; Jane; Me; Clarence ; Last day in SG, at Mcdonalds.

Me; ShangYun & Clarence; Last day in SG, at Mcdonalds

Sigh.

Looking at the cards, presents..

I felt sorry for leaving my friends behind.

Even though they may not have fully understood my feelings,

I was glad they were at the very least, supportive.

Hey friends, remember to MSN me the pictures yeah? :)

I promise, I won't forget anyone of you.

I will try to get online more often, and will get you my contact details once I'm there.

Girls;; Boys;; Especially CCHY 4H.

So sorry , for the empty table and chair at the middle of first row in the class..

My heart will be you guys there .. Jiayou kays?

Everyone, must take care.. Lucks in the future!

I believe still, friendship does not change, even after years of not contacting each other..

That's my belief.

And I believe , you all will be the same important in my heart,

nothing will change it.

I will remember all bits and parcels of memories we shared,

from day 1 in northland, day 1 in CCHY,

and the last day in northland, last day in CCHY.

Friends;

forever, deal?